Motherhood Uncensored

Be a better parent challenge - Day 31 - Parent the kids you have

Congrats everyone! You've made it an entire month, and by golly, I hope you're better parents for it. Or you've completely stopped reading my blog.

Fear not. I'll dig up a slew of bitchy, whiny, in-laws and husband posts for you to make up for all this "betterness." 

Ha.

Today I share with you the wisdom from a few moms that shall remain unnamed because I can't remember who actually said this.

Challenge #31: Parent the kids you have

It is the greatest challenge of all, I believe, but also, the greatest reward - when you can take in all the advice (and assvice) and apply what works FOR YOUR SPECIFIC CHILD.

I've spent many years trying to make certain parenting philosophies work for me and I've come to the conclusion that there is no right way.

I know - big reveal there, huh?

But seriously, we bog ourselves down with wanting to be the best parent and we have in our mind what that is - does she make homemade bread, does she read four stories to her kids every night, does she toss out her television?

Don't lie - you've played that game in your head.

And so, I say - toss all those ideas out. Listen to what your gut is telling you. Read blogs, books, and websites.

And then figure out what works best for your kid. And your other kids.

And surprise. It might be different for each one.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. And if you're just joining in, you can find all 31 Be a Better Parent Challenges in my archives!

Sometimes you just have to be one

Even when I was pregnant with my first, I had a gut feeling that planning a wedding for three months post partum was probably not the best idea.

And surprise! It wasn't.

It's those dreaded early weeks and months that no one really talks about, so it's not surprising that many women who aren't moms don't really get that it's pretty damn hard, or in the least, certainly not a time where you want to be putting on a wedding dress or, in my current case, photographed for a magazine spread.

My fears about a post partum wedding were indeed confirmed, and though I lost a significant amount of weight due to a total elimination diet, I still had to buy a new wedding dress. That I could nurse in. At my own wedding.

And I was devastated.

Jump six years later and I know what to expect. The belly and thighs don't just fall off. The swollen face doesn't immediately shrink.

And the boobs (at least my breastfeeding ones) get bigger. A lot bigger.

But that's not the half of it.

The lack of sleep. Gigantic maxi pads. It's all a recipe for "do not take a picture of me, please." I mean, that's why you have the cute baby right? So people photograph it and NOT YOU.

So, when a photo shoot for a magazine article on the Mominatrix was rescheduled for "in a couple of months after you have your baby" I had to laugh, and as I joked with my hairdresser (who I had booked for the shoot), there's just no way they're moms (I know that my interviewer wasn't, at least).

I mean absolutely no offense by it.

But I think most moms (including the Mominatrix) can all agree that post partum is probably the antithesis of sexy. And certainly not a time where you want yourself splashed across the pages of a magazine.

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 30 - Find your system

Thanks for all the great book recommendations in the comments from yesterday's post. If you missed it, then head on back (scroll down!) and take a look! I tend to think that any book will make you a better parent because that means you're giving yourself a break, but these are definitely informative and educational.

Today is Challenge #30: Find your system - and I want you to tackle creating your own system of how you work your mornings and evenings, or everything in between.

I realize that you might use system and schedule in the same way, but I've come to realize that it's not really a schedule since it often happens at different times, but the method I use is the same.

For example, here's how our mornings run:

-Little kids usually wake up first, so I head down with them. Potty is required in order to get breakfast.

-They eat breakfast and then I put on a show for them while I do a quick check of email, twitter, and facebook (part of my job, actually) before the day gets going.

-Once Quinlan wakes up (usually within 20 minutes), I feed her and then we all begin our chore charts.

Here's how bedtime starts:

-Kids gather their bed clothes and place them on my bed.

-Bath (or shower) - I bathe them first, then they play.

-They come out, get lotioned, and then get dressed in my room. Then we go off to brush teeth and choose books for bedtime.

I know these are not brilliant revelations, but it's taken me this long to actually come up with a system that works. I really try not to deviate from it because it works so well and the kids come to expect it. And when there's that consistency, things just tend to run much better.

Of course, my husband travels - which means he's sometimes home when all this is going on, but I've learned to just continue doing what I do regardless of what he's doing (or not doing - sigh). This means fewer bumps for all of us.

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 29 - Read and Learn

We're finally home and back to our regular routine this morning. I have to say, renting a place with a washer and dryer makes coming home much more pleasant.

Although, I still ended up doing like three loads of laundry on top of everything we packed. Thus is life.

Today's Challenge #29: Read and Learn is quite simple. Find parenting books and read them.

Alright, so maybe finding the time to do that is not as simple as it sounds. I borrowed the entire Sookie Stackhouse series from a neighbor and I have yet to dive into them. 

Since I had been traveling a lot this year, I had the opportunity to read more than I ever did, but since that's now over, alas, I haven't really picked up anything.

So, lame as this sounds, I leave books that I want to read in the bathroom. You can probably figure out the rest.

Fortunately, most of the parenting books I've read I can skim, or at least read as a reference book, so I actually do get to glean information from them without reading the entire thing. Also, you can get a bunch of these as audio books or on your fancy readers, which might make it easier for you to digest them more quickly.

Here are some of my favorites (these are all Amazon affiliate links, by the way):

1-2-3 Magic (great discipline book)

Protecting the Gift (how to keep your kids safe)

Parenting Beyond Belief (for those of you who practice secular [non-religious] parenting)

Raising Freethinkers (the sequel to PBB)

Tell me your favorite parenting books!

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 28 - Get your kids involved

So did you find a reason to celebrate, yesterday? While we ended up not getting any cake due to a later dinner, my husband ended up enjoying an afternoon of golf while I enjoyed the pool, playground, and turtles with the kids.

And we gave him one heck of an expensive birthday card courtesy of the hotel gift shop.

Completely worth it, of course.

Today's Challenge #28: Get your kids involved should help make you think of ways that even your littlest kids can get involved in your daily household duties. I realize that this can make chores even more like chores, but overall, it's good for them to have some responsibility, and it will, at some point, give you a break.

We've tried various chore charts around our house, but the best one thus far was at the prompting of the lovely Mir of Want Not and Woulda Coulda Shoulda, who uses a simple laminated daily checklist that her kids can see and mark off as they go. Then we do allowances based on their age (so $6 and $3) which I track on a sheet that we keep on our fridge.

So far, this has worked well, even for Drew - and we include things like "Go potty" "Brush Teeth" (both naptime and bedtime) since he tends to give us a hard time with those. However, he also has jobs like "Empty the dishwasher silverware" and "Make your bed" too.

When I'm home, I'll post pictures, but basically, I printed out a list with their picture and a spot for them to mark with a washable marker. We have them hanging on our pantry door.

Quinlan has more challenging tasks like setting the kitchen table, letting the dog out, and emptying the main dishwasher (sans the glass ware). I also need to add "practice violin" to her list as well.

Now, we don't necessarily have this for Margot (2), but she certainly does help out around the house. Here are some other things we have the kids do:

*Laundry game - Quinlan can fold her clothes, but Drew and Margot can help sort their own clothes out and make a pile. I then have them do a toss (basketball style) for a small prize.

*Recycling - We keep our recycle bin right outside the door to our garage, so all the kids can put stuff out when I need it.

*Emptying trash - My son loves trash trucks, so his job is to help me empty all the house trash cans.

I'm sure there are plenty more things that I'm not thinking of, but so far this year, this system has been working well. Feel free to share what works for your family.