Motherhood Uncensored

Lemming

I've come to realize that 3rd kids are lemmings.

I suppose you could say the same thing about 2nd kids too.

Lucky for me, Quinlan's only major offense was doing a Jackson Pollack on my in-laws' guest room wall and carpet.

And between you and me, I really can't fault her that much for it.

Karma. Sweet inky karma.

Since then, she's taught her brother how to properly use the words "amazing" and "understandable" correctly in a sentence, empty the dishwasher silverware tray (probably so she doesn't have to do it), and share with her - particularly his candy stash and other covetable possessions.

In fact, she's got him so whipped that he insists on bringing home a pink balloon for her every time we go to Trader Joe's while she's in school.

Clearly she is using her oldest child power for good.

Or her good.

But little Miss Margot has become a lemming of the very worst kind, thanks to her mischievous older brother.

I mean, Quinlan never really thought to pick up crayon or pen, let alone draw on the walls and cabinets with it at 15 months. And she sure as hell wasn't lobbing large toys around that should not be thrown lest you want some sort of rogue vasectomy.

Then there's the screaming matches and food fights, always at the most convenient times - like when you're just about to shove that first, precious bite of warm food in your mouth.

There are a few benefits. I mean, I have one of the cleanest bathroom floors around, thanks to the bi-nightly bathtub water battles.

And I'm pretty sure Margot could take on anyone even double her weight in a wrestling match, though I'm guessing pinching and back slaps are illegal moves.

But really, it's like I'm dealing with clones, little naughty clones whose mission is to take me down - the Gulliver to their Liliputians.

But through all this, she remains oddly silent, except for the well-timed "uh-oh" as in "uh-oh dude get the hell out of here while you can BRO SAVE YOURSELF I'M THE CUTE SMALL ONE THAT DOESN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND TIME OUTS AND CAN'T TALK BACK YET."

Hmmm, well, now that I think of it, she's sounds less like a lemming and more like a freaking genius.

Spelling well is the best revenge

After the whole "69 on a Kindergarten spelling test after a week of vacation" debacle last week, you can imagine my surprise when Quinlan came home on Friday to tell me that she had won her class spelling bee.

That was after I got over the surprise that she had a spelling bee. Apparently this whole "mommy's out of the know" thing starts very early, which is more disconcerting than I expected, especially since I clearly remember knowing all of her business and now, surprise! A spelling bee! That you didn't know about mom!

Next thing I know, she'll walk in with a nose piercing.

So in winning the spelling bee, she was off to compete against first graders using the same word bank, and then "against" the other kids in the K-8 school, using her own word bank in a sort of compete against yourself type competition.

And with that, we got to work for the next five days quizzing our little almost-reader with over 100 words in preparation for the big spelling bee.

Boy, is our language fucked up.

After enduring my feeble attempts at explaining why "Tuesday" is not spelled "Toosday," along with other pretty piss poor pneumonic devices for sight words, she headed to school this morning armed with as many words memorized as she possibly could.

And much to our amazement, she placed third out of all sixteen competing students across all the grades.

THIRD!

I found myself completely overflowing with emotion, not just from being so incredibly proud at her achievement, but from realizing that my little girl is growing up.

 

 And damnit, I won't be able to secretly spell stuff anymore.

To Boston, to Boston for chocolate, wine, & sex

If you happen to live in the Boston area, I hope you'll come join me for a fun night of chocolate, wine, and a little pre-Valentine's day sex talk (nothing that will make you blush more than the glass of wine you'll be drinking - I promise).

The lovely ladies (Sheri Gurock of Magic Beans & Dara Kelly of Peapod Fitness) behind Moms Going Out have put together a pretty awesome post Super Bowl & pre-Valentine's Day event in Brookline. You'll have the chance to mingle with other moms (and a bunch of other mom bloggers I hear!) while tasting specially paired wines and chocolate desserts thanks to sommelier Kate Webber, and then get a little mini libido boot camp from the Mominatrix. So grab a friend, and a babysitter, and come on out!

The Details

Date/Time: February 9, 2010 (Tuesday) 7-9pm

Location: Finale - Coolidge Corner (1306 Beacon Street, Brookline)

Cost: $5 (I'll be selling/signing books at the event) - there are a limited number of tickets, so I do suggest purchasing them beforehand through Moms Going Out.

*I'll be donating 15% of the proceeds from book sales at this event to Haiti relief via Boston Mamas Have a Heart for Haiti

Goodies, door prizes, and more courtesy of Eden Fantasys.